Tales
of Steam
Take me to the Hoon Banter Board
Monkey vomit
It is with concern and regret that I write to inform you of the sad demise
of our once friend Mr Richard Hart (alias Monkey-boy, Welshy, Poof). On my
return home from work yesterday Rich showed little enthusiasm towards our
usual Monday evening tennis match (the weather was inclement) and visibly
leapt at the suggestion of a few sociable drinks (always a pleasure!). So
to Somerfield we ventured in Rich's Welshy, poofy car and purchased some
cheap red wine and German beer.
"What shall we do?" queried an uninspired Monkey-boy. (and here
was his
first mistake)
"Drinking games!" replied the Devil.
Before long the chess set of shot glasses lovingly bought for the lucky
ginger fellow by his loving girlfriend was filled with wine and beer. Rich
was randomly selected by the Devil to play with the wine pieces in the first
game, and he accepted (second mistake). He then proceeded to play the Devil
at chess, which is folly (a third mistake).
By the end of the first match, which
was of disappointment to the Devil
since he had only managed six pawn promotions, Rich was starting to feel
worse for wear. By the end of the second (all 8 pawn promotions - a world
record!) the Monkey was visibly rocking in his chair. And when the Devil
lured him into a third match by offering the handicap of playing without
both Knights and a Bishop (which the Devil took great pleasure in filling
and drinking before the game started) the fate of the rosy cheeky Celt was
clear to see.
After losing most of his pieces in
a series of drunken blunders the Monkey-boy
was checkmated by a jubilant Devil who was well pleased with his evenings
work. Consuming his King for the third time proved the killer for Harty, who
then ran to the nearby toilet to make a long distance call down the big
white telephone. Unfortunately the call was never received and Monkey-boy
wallowed in the filth of his red monkey vomit, wailing of better days.
The Devil went to bed.
Devil (14/05/02)
©
2002
